April 2019 how I'm doing

So- here I am, 4 months into the new year
Here's generally what has been going on

- My body pain is really, really bad.  I basically just can't walk or hold myself up at all.  I don't even feel like I used to feel, which is I used to have the energy to get out and do stuff, but back pain kind of stopped me.  Now I don't even have the energy to go out and do stuff.

-One thing that's changed with the increase in pain (which FYI I believe is due to Cymbalta issues),is I can't sit anymore!  Sitting hurts my entire back, not just my low back, to a degree beyond what it used to.  Also, my legs just don't work either, due to how tight they are.

- I was on Gabapentin this year, and went from initial taking 1mg (1 milligram!!) to taking 600 mg 3x a day, because it felt so good.  Fast forward a month, and things were getting weird.  Like I was having these sensations where I'd be really tight in between my 6 hours doses, then the dose would totally relieve it and feel great! But only for a little bit.  Then fast forward another few months and I was getting serious, terribly painful feeling in my mid back at night- my whole back sort of seizing with tightness.  It was definitely a symptom of Gabapentin, nothing else had changed.

- I wondered how I'd even withdraw from Gabapentin- was it even possible? Because I was essentially having such extreme withdrawal type symptoms IN BETWEEN DOSES.  What would I do without the next dose?
I do remember having the most extreme, severe headache I could ever imagine, when I dropped my first dose of Gabapentin.  I was dropping doses in thirds.  Then the rest of the week was okay.  Then the next week all went to hell- nausea, nausea, I don't remember what else honestly except that I felt really bad.  I spent months in so much pain that I was in bed, almost all day.  I couldn't even go to the animal shelter because walking hurt too much.  Sometimes I'd have this feeling like my muscles would get really rigid or tight, and it would feel like I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor from my own body.  It was HORRIBLE.
Also, an interesting thing to note is that, when I was getting to the end of my Gabapentin taper, I started taking it at half doses- like half of a 300 mg pill.  That was miserable.  It was like my body blew through it in a minute and then went into withdrawal again right after.  It was really scary too.

- I basically spend so much time in bed, and my head/mind just didn't feel right. I didn't feel like I could think.
- So I went on Cymbalta in November 2018 to "help me with this", because I can't make it through this withdrawal.  Well, it just didn't get better.  My pain levels continued to be really high, I wasn't doing much of anything, (internet browsing a lot at home but that's about all), and my head still didn't feel right.

So- I started TMS at SoCal TMS, since A) I was already thinking of doing it and B) I just literally couldn't improve after my Gabapentin withdrawal, so I felt that I really needed a big time solution.

TMS was crazy.  I got tons of pain in my whole body, and excessively tired.  It was dramatically bad. I barely got to session number 12, and then finally I was going to quit.  My insurance paid for 38 sessions (7 weeks plus a few).  I wanted to try it, I wanted it to make me better...

So, I started telling them that they HAD to keep the level down, or I'd quit.  Which they did.  No problem. They couldn't have done that all along? lol. Then I was switched to right sided only, which I tolerated somewhat better, but no change in my mood or anything.


So finally- I didn't KNOW this, but turns out, that that head sensation and lethargy were due to Cymbalta, as well as to Gabapentin withdrawal.  Because lo and behold, once I changed that 20 mg dose to 30 mg dose, the fatigue just left.  Same day.  But then I started having more problems with it. Nausea, it was becoming more apparent that I was having nausea after taking my dose, which I had again been thinking was due to my Gabapentin withdrawal problem.
So- 30 mg isn't good for me, either.  It helped for a few days, I was feeling much more like myself, thank goodness.  But then I realized that it just doesn't seem to be lasting a whole day.  I don't know why.  It doesn't make much sense.  Its like it was lasting half a day, giving me energy but also bad nausea.

As soon as I made that (actually fairly small) switch from 20 to 25 mg Cymbalta, boom, I tolerated TMS fine- no side effects no problems.  Even the treatments weren't a huge problem, although I still got neck spasm many times. We went up to 120% for the remaining sessions left which was two and a half weeks, both left and right sided, versus earlier I'd been at around 80% and barely tolerating it.

I ended up doing an entire 42 sessions of TMS. That's a lot! I've felt absolutely nothing good from it whatsoever, though, now that I'm done with treatment.  Theoretically, that could be because I didn't get a full 25-40 sessions at therapeutic value of 120%, but still, you would've hoped I'd feel something, even small.

So anyhoo, I'm now going to quit Cymbalta, after having been on it for 6 months (holy shit!).  That's by FAR the longest i've ever been on an antidepressant, and it didn't work whatsoever.  Think my overthinking was a BIT better than usual, but not enough to be like, hey I feel fine.  And my general pain and lethargy were so bad, all day every day.

So that's interesting.  20 mg Cymbalta - a low dose, was really fucking with me.  Never would have guessed it, since I remembered having tolerated it fine.

I can't wait to get off it fully and feel more like myself!  A little more energy, a little less pain (well- that part is IRONIC- given that my NORMAL pain levels cause me to be so unhappy).  But I can't wait to get back to THAT.

I got my period!

began 04/18/19

honestly it was just completely out of the blue!

I've been in the worst pain of my life for the last 6 months - from the Gabapentin withdrawal nightmare to the long-term Cymbalta nightmare, so I have no reason to be doing well enough to have gotten my period. lol

But anyways- here's my theories:
1) I took Fluconazole two weeks ago ..  this is definitely possible; I had gotten my period before, shortly after taking fluconazole.  BUT last year I took Fluconazole so many times, and didn't get that many periods, although I did get 4 periods last year, which is enormous for me.  so ?

2) all these peppermint oil (includes thyme oil) supplements- Heather's Tummy Tamers.  Doesn't really seem like the reason, but I saw online that thyme oil will 'regulate your hormones'

3) just because of taking Cymbalta long term.  Doesn't really seem right, since I was on it for 5 months, so A) it could have happened faster and B) I was on Cymbalta other times and didn't get it
But it IS possible, since being on Cymbalta long-term, I haven't had such intense overthinking like normal, and that seems to have something to do with my neurotransmitter levels.  IE- a few times when I had good results from antidepressants, I did get my period

Btw, it did give me the insight, that all that time I wondered how I got my period with doctor Olsen- was it the 5 months of gluten-free, the Takesumi- now I think it was the Prolent/Lentra.  So, I'm totally down to try Prolent/Lentra again, although wow is that stuff expensive or what.

4) I actually think it was the Fluconazole, just due to the timing.  Maybe I should take Fluconazole once a month and just make it a habit.  I can take it when I give Carly her dog meds, LOL.

5) I've been drinking cranberry juice recently, I dunno, who knows

6) I've also been eating a lot of cheese just recently, actually just one specific kind- the Pepperjack Cheese from the Cracker Barrel (tastes really good! I like how thick the pieces are!  I eat that shit like candy)
.. interesting, I just looked at my last period bio, and - I had eaten more cheese that time around, too.