Friday, January 10, 2020

Got my period! 01/09/2020

I got my period totally out of the blue, after the worrrrsssttt year ever.
I had been wishing to get it, it's been on the back of my mind a lot I guess. I kept taking Loestrin Lo birth control in the hopes that I would get my period and that would trigger me to get them.  That never worked, lol.

But anyways, I got my period completely out of the fricking blue.  Some constant cramping, not a big deal.  Will probably be over soon.  Very exciting for me.

I personally think it's due to taking Kratom, and/or Magnesium, and/or Cymbalta 60 mg, and/d or B complex plus the other supplements I've been taking.  They've been mostly nutrients, they have been like those fertility supplements. I've been on the Cymbalta for two months, went from 20 to 60 mg.

We'll see what happens, if I get it again.  Will February 10th bring another cycle??  Gawd, I hope so.

I suppose its a bit ironic, I haven't been exercising AT ALL.  I mean absolutely none, whatsoever, so sweating, and apparently I was still able to get a period.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

June 2019

This is becoming just the most insane, health-issues - laden year of my life.  I thought last year was terrible when I kept going into and out of Cymbalta withdrawals.  But now this is even worse.

Well, we don't know what is going on.  My abdominal ultrasound was normal.  My bloodwork was normal.

I have variously thought it was: gallstones, gallbladder cancer, stomach cancer, NET tumor, ulcers, Leukodystrophy, Creutzfeldt-Jakob prion disease, Brain cancer, dysautonomia, Ehlers-Danlos, mitochondrial disease shutting down my stomach and muscles, porphyria, etc etc


I don't know!  I have alot of abdominal pain, but I also have a lot of everywhere pain.

Problems:
I get sick when I eat.
I feel dizzy.
I feel ALOT of pain- pain in different places,
I feel EXCESSIVELY weak.  I have never even imagined the sort of weakness that I feel now, on a daily basis.
Extreme pain and tiredness with eating.
I am very food picky- most everything makes me sick.

Sonya asked what my body pain could have to do with Dad's cancer.  UGHHHH  Why am I even seeing a psychiatrist.  lol.

What's unclear to me, is - is that Gastroparesis (inability to eat), or is this an ulcer (pain from a sore or multiple sores, within the intestines), or just some weird thing that I have never heard of, or literally cancer.  Did I ever have porphyria, or did I just get sick with something?

Lev says that he's sick too- but he's such a stress case.. who knows if he isn't just stressing out about work 24/7.

Uggh I feel sick.

Dr. Berg says that ulcer treatment is: DGL (licorice), zinc-carnosine, cabbage juice (yay!), chlorophyll meaning veggie greens (which of course made me sick).

I suppose I could just try to live, not fix it, and the more symptoms that come up, the more I will be on my way to a (deadly) diagnosis..


I went to the ER twice in the last two weeks.  The first time I was beside myself with having had all these MUSCLE problems over the last two weeks, and had basically felt really sick and unwell and gone into mom's room and said I didn't feel okay.  The second time, luckily dad took me and the place was FREEZING.  It took 4 and a half hours to be seen, I think.  I declined blood tests, because they are always normal.  They didn't tell me to change clothes or to put in an IV.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

This attack is ending..

I have felt a little better over the last few days.

A little bit and a little bit more today.

Started:
05/25/19
Ending:
06/12/19

What was the trigger?
I have no idea, although it did seem to worsen pretty significantly when I drank alcohol, only one of the times.

EDIT:  It did not end.  Like 3 minutes after I wrote this, I ate some food, and, boom- triggered for an hour now already.


No Diagnosis -- but such severity of issues - am I dying?

Told Kyla that I am dying (so I think).  She said no, you can't not while I'm alive... lol what a stupid response.  But at least I got that out of the way so that she can know why I am not responding to text and stuff, that was a worry of mine.

Lord, I am quite a worried child, am I not?  Why can't I just be free to say whatever I want and feel what I want, express what I want, (dislike what I want!)

Anyways, I basically can't stand, can't lift, can't eat, can't sleep.  My mind (body) just goes crazy at night- all alone with SO many issues that are hurting and taking up my attention.  

I'm scared that I'm going to get a bowel obstruction.  This past week, I've only gone number two ... twice, and they both were really hard pellets, that I just simply couldn't evacuate from my body.

Thursday, June 6, 2019

more thoughts about my health problems which are really bad

I don't know what is going on!  I don't know if this is a leaky gut injecting things into my body, Lyme's disease, cancer (bone cancer, brain cancer, anything else that is causing a paraneoplastic syndrome..)
I don't know! I am having so many neurological symptoms- spasms in my muscles (that thing where the intercostal muscles were so tight! That was crazy).  Dizzy/shaky/wooshing in ears, weakness, tightness, tiredness, vomiting.

I'm also having frequent changes in mood - terribly anxious, then fine, then just miserably sad, then just kind of out of it and without feeling.

Then there's - is it a nutritional thing? Lack of a micronutrient, due to gastroparesis and/or leaky gut.


I must not concern myself with what is going on in my body, since I never seem to come up with any good answers.  But the worse the pain gets, the more it has me going online, which is ugh.

If it was a micronutrient deficiency, would it cause these exact symptoms?  I don't know but seems like perhaps not.  Although the Vit C deficiency thing is interesting, I guess.

So I was going on and on about histamine  But, I suppose that its

Who shall help me?

This is scary!  scary scary scary.

Sunday, April 21, 2019

April 2019 how I'm doing

So- here I am, 4 months into the new year
Here's generally what has been going on

- My body pain is really, really bad.  I basically just can't walk or hold myself up at all.  I don't even feel like I used to feel, which is I used to have the energy to get out and do stuff, but back pain kind of stopped me.  Now I don't even have the energy to go out and do stuff.

-One thing that's changed with the increase in pain (which FYI I believe is due to Cymbalta issues),is I can't sit anymore!  Sitting hurts my entire back, not just my low back, to a degree beyond what it used to.  Also, my legs just don't work either, due to how tight they are.

- I was on Gabapentin this year, and went from initial taking 1mg (1 milligram!!) to taking 600 mg 3x a day, because it felt so good.  Fast forward a month, and things were getting weird.  Like I was having these sensations where I'd be really tight in between my 6 hours doses, then the dose would totally relieve it and feel great! But only for a little bit.  Then fast forward another few months and I was getting serious, terribly painful feeling in my mid back at night- my whole back sort of seizing with tightness.  It was definitely a symptom of Gabapentin, nothing else had changed.

- I wondered how I'd even withdraw from Gabapentin- was it even possible? Because I was essentially having such extreme withdrawal type symptoms IN BETWEEN DOSES.  What would I do without the next dose?
I do remember having the most extreme, severe headache I could ever imagine, when I dropped my first dose of Gabapentin.  I was dropping doses in thirds.  Then the rest of the week was okay.  Then the next week all went to hell- nausea, nausea, I don't remember what else honestly except that I felt really bad.  I spent months in so much pain that I was in bed, almost all day.  I couldn't even go to the animal shelter because walking hurt too much.  Sometimes I'd have this feeling like my muscles would get really rigid or tight, and it would feel like I was being squeezed by a boa constrictor from my own body.  It was HORRIBLE.
Also, an interesting thing to note is that, when I was getting to the end of my Gabapentin taper, I started taking it at half doses- like half of a 300 mg pill.  That was miserable.  It was like my body blew through it in a minute and then went into withdrawal again right after.  It was really scary too.

- I basically spend so much time in bed, and my head/mind just didn't feel right. I didn't feel like I could think.
- So I went on Cymbalta in November 2018 to "help me with this", because I can't make it through this withdrawal.  Well, it just didn't get better.  My pain levels continued to be really high, I wasn't doing much of anything, (internet browsing a lot at home but that's about all), and my head still didn't feel right.

So- I started TMS at SoCal TMS, since A) I was already thinking of doing it and B) I just literally couldn't improve after my Gabapentin withdrawal, so I felt that I really needed a big time solution.

TMS was crazy.  I got tons of pain in my whole body, and excessively tired.  It was dramatically bad. I barely got to session number 12, and then finally I was going to quit.  My insurance paid for 38 sessions (7 weeks plus a few).  I wanted to try it, I wanted it to make me better...

So, I started telling them that they HAD to keep the level down, or I'd quit.  Which they did.  No problem. They couldn't have done that all along? lol. Then I was switched to right sided only, which I tolerated somewhat better, but no change in my mood or anything.


So finally- I didn't KNOW this, but turns out, that that head sensation and lethargy were due to Cymbalta, as well as to Gabapentin withdrawal.  Because lo and behold, once I changed that 20 mg dose to 30 mg dose, the fatigue just left.  Same day.  But then I started having more problems with it. Nausea, it was becoming more apparent that I was having nausea after taking my dose, which I had again been thinking was due to my Gabapentin withdrawal problem.
So- 30 mg isn't good for me, either.  It helped for a few days, I was feeling much more like myself, thank goodness.  But then I realized that it just doesn't seem to be lasting a whole day.  I don't know why.  It doesn't make much sense.  Its like it was lasting half a day, giving me energy but also bad nausea.

As soon as I made that (actually fairly small) switch from 20 to 25 mg Cymbalta, boom, I tolerated TMS fine- no side effects no problems.  Even the treatments weren't a huge problem, although I still got neck spasm many times. We went up to 120% for the remaining sessions left which was two and a half weeks, both left and right sided, versus earlier I'd been at around 80% and barely tolerating it.

I ended up doing an entire 42 sessions of TMS. That's a lot! I've felt absolutely nothing good from it whatsoever, though, now that I'm done with treatment.  Theoretically, that could be because I didn't get a full 25-40 sessions at therapeutic value of 120%, but still, you would've hoped I'd feel something, even small.

So anyhoo, I'm now going to quit Cymbalta, after having been on it for 6 months (holy shit!).  That's by FAR the longest i've ever been on an antidepressant, and it didn't work whatsoever.  Think my overthinking was a BIT better than usual, but not enough to be like, hey I feel fine.  And my general pain and lethargy were so bad, all day every day.

So that's interesting.  20 mg Cymbalta - a low dose, was really fucking with me.  Never would have guessed it, since I remembered having tolerated it fine.

I can't wait to get off it fully and feel more like myself!  A little more energy, a little less pain (well- that part is IRONIC- given that my NORMAL pain levels cause me to be so unhappy).  But I can't wait to get back to THAT.

I got my period!

began 04/18/19

honestly it was just completely out of the blue!

I've been in the worst pain of my life for the last 6 months - from the Gabapentin withdrawal nightmare to the long-term Cymbalta nightmare, so I have no reason to be doing well enough to have gotten my period. lol

But anyways- here's my theories:
1) I took Fluconazole two weeks ago ..  this is definitely possible; I had gotten my period before, shortly after taking fluconazole.  BUT last year I took Fluconazole so many times, and didn't get that many periods, although I did get 4 periods last year, which is enormous for me.  so ?

2) all these peppermint oil (includes thyme oil) supplements- Heather's Tummy Tamers.  Doesn't really seem like the reason, but I saw online that thyme oil will 'regulate your hormones'

3) just because of taking Cymbalta long term.  Doesn't really seem right, since I was on it for 5 months, so A) it could have happened faster and B) I was on Cymbalta other times and didn't get it
But it IS possible, since being on Cymbalta long-term, I haven't had such intense overthinking like normal, and that seems to have something to do with my neurotransmitter levels.  IE- a few times when I had good results from antidepressants, I did get my period

Btw, it did give me the insight, that all that time I wondered how I got my period with doctor Olsen- was it the 5 months of gluten-free, the Takesumi- now I think it was the Prolent/Lentra.  So, I'm totally down to try Prolent/Lentra again, although wow is that stuff expensive or what.

4) I actually think it was the Fluconazole, just due to the timing.  Maybe I should take Fluconazole once a month and just make it a habit.  I can take it when I give Carly her dog meds, LOL.

5) I've been drinking cranberry juice recently, I dunno, who knows

6) I've also been eating a lot of cheese just recently, actually just one specific kind- the Pepperjack Cheese from the Cracker Barrel (tastes really good! I like how thick the pieces are!  I eat that shit like candy)
.. interesting, I just looked at my last period bio, and - I had eaten more cheese that time around, too.