I just got my period, so that is cool. Its the 4th time I've gotten it this year (two earlier in the year, then October, then now). Sweet! So, that's by far the most periods I've gotten in my life, naturally.
I got it either because I started taking the antidepressant Trintellix (sometimes I've gotten a period on antidepressants), and/or because I just started taking Takesumi again (but its only been two days, so that seems too fast). Anyhow, I'm pretty glad that its here unexpectedly and all that jazz. However, I've had no libido so my body is still pretty sucky.
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Saturday, December 9, 2017
I HAVE A SYSTEMIC CANDIDA INFECTION AND I'M NOW GOING TO BE OKAY!!!!!!!
This is the greatest news of my last 15 years...
Here's what happened.
I got Fluconazole for a yeast infection, which I finally went in for, months (years?) after first having symptoms 'down there'. At this point, I had other signs of fungal infection- oral thrush, and a crazy rash on my hip that looked really bad at first, and then the yeast infection too.
So, I took Fluconazole (anti-fungal) despite my long term issue of not wanting 'medications', and lo and behold, the VERY NEXT MORNING, I woke up in maybe 70% less than my normal pain that I've been experiencing for the last 15 years (since junior/high school, and now I'm 27). My entire body felt looser, my legs weren't tight as drums, neither was my back. My journal said- 'I just woke up in the least pain I've ever been in...' I thought it was too soon for the anti-fungal to have worked, so I just went on with my day. But - the pain reduction stayed the entire week, and now its been a week and a half, and I'm simply no longer in my chronic pain. There was a dramatic decrease in muscle tension all over my body, and my stomach eased up its tightened state. I also became able to eat more foods.
Regarding my last post- I was incorrect, although I didn't know it at the time. The pain isn't psychosomatic. I was tight all the time, 24/7, and just because I got tighter when I had emotional upset, didn't mean that it was psychosomatic. Somehow I ignored the fact that no one else is in this much pain, that it doesn't get better..ever, and all my digestive issues. That interesting time of 'going into my hurts'- it didn't last and I've been in pain consistently since then.
Other changes- I can eat! I'm actually happier about this than I ever would've expected, because I just simply forgot the joy of eating and I was so stuck on wanting the body pain gone. But, eating is pretty great, now that I can handle food (and to reiterate, its been 1 week only!) Before Fluconazole, practically everything was making me sick- fruit, veggies, meat was too 'tiring', cold drinks were too cold, and also- despite lots of snacking, nothing was making me feel full. I just couldn't get my body to receive the fullness of food. I was only eating very specific foods that my body told me to eat to cover up a particular digestive upset. It was pretty odd how particular I needed to be. But also terribly depressing because I was never satisfied, no matter how much or little I ate.
Another surprise- I thought the pain would all go away, the more Fluconazole I took. But it didn't, its just staying fairly low (for me). The muscle tension that remains isn't just loosening on its own. And, my back still hurts too much to exercise. Middle ground- I'm going to do some serious self-massage and work on those tight muscles. This is what I've always wanted for myself- to be able to decrease my muscle tension, but never have been able to, because I'd also wake up with tight muscles no matter what I did during the day. Can you understand how my life has utterly changed? Now I can actually do all the things that are supposed to help with the expectation that they WILL help- yoga, massage, stretching, foam roller, self-massage, Feldenkrais, etc.
Regarding my thoughts on myself- oh my god. How could I have been so wrong? So sure that I was just some disgraceful shithead f-up unenthusiastic angry girl, unable to see that that is what depression makes you into? That's what pain, and isolation, make a person into? I mean, I was SO WRONG. Years of beating myself up, considering myself pathetic at how little I could do. Why did I do that? I know now that it was just part of all the disease going on, to treat myself so badly. But, its sad. In the past few years of back pain, I've literally been unable to walk. Why did I so strongly expect of myself anything more? And by the way- it makes a lot of sense that I've had a Candida infection- my digestive system has been off for a long time (I remember that I never got hungry in high school), and I've had trouble sleeping for years, and the body pain and lethargy really I'm sure did impact my social ability in high school. I feel so sorry for myself. It took me, what 15 years, more than 10 specialists (not including the 15 chiropractors).. Its just been such a f***ing mess to try to get myself treated.
Lastly- insomnia hasn't changed- still up for hours without feeling tired. And, no idea how my PCOS factors into all this.
<<<<<<<BUT I"M NOT HOPELESS ANYMORE>>>>>>>
Here's what happened.
I got Fluconazole for a yeast infection, which I finally went in for, months (years?) after first having symptoms 'down there'. At this point, I had other signs of fungal infection- oral thrush, and a crazy rash on my hip that looked really bad at first, and then the yeast infection too.
So, I took Fluconazole (anti-fungal) despite my long term issue of not wanting 'medications', and lo and behold, the VERY NEXT MORNING, I woke up in maybe 70% less than my normal pain that I've been experiencing for the last 15 years (since junior/high school, and now I'm 27). My entire body felt looser, my legs weren't tight as drums, neither was my back. My journal said- 'I just woke up in the least pain I've ever been in...' I thought it was too soon for the anti-fungal to have worked, so I just went on with my day. But - the pain reduction stayed the entire week, and now its been a week and a half, and I'm simply no longer in my chronic pain. There was a dramatic decrease in muscle tension all over my body, and my stomach eased up its tightened state. I also became able to eat more foods.
Regarding my last post- I was incorrect, although I didn't know it at the time. The pain isn't psychosomatic. I was tight all the time, 24/7, and just because I got tighter when I had emotional upset, didn't mean that it was psychosomatic. Somehow I ignored the fact that no one else is in this much pain, that it doesn't get better..ever, and all my digestive issues. That interesting time of 'going into my hurts'- it didn't last and I've been in pain consistently since then.
Other changes- I can eat! I'm actually happier about this than I ever would've expected, because I just simply forgot the joy of eating and I was so stuck on wanting the body pain gone. But, eating is pretty great, now that I can handle food (and to reiterate, its been 1 week only!) Before Fluconazole, practically everything was making me sick- fruit, veggies, meat was too 'tiring', cold drinks were too cold, and also- despite lots of snacking, nothing was making me feel full. I just couldn't get my body to receive the fullness of food. I was only eating very specific foods that my body told me to eat to cover up a particular digestive upset. It was pretty odd how particular I needed to be. But also terribly depressing because I was never satisfied, no matter how much or little I ate.
Another surprise- I thought the pain would all go away, the more Fluconazole I took. But it didn't, its just staying fairly low (for me). The muscle tension that remains isn't just loosening on its own. And, my back still hurts too much to exercise. Middle ground- I'm going to do some serious self-massage and work on those tight muscles. This is what I've always wanted for myself- to be able to decrease my muscle tension, but never have been able to, because I'd also wake up with tight muscles no matter what I did during the day. Can you understand how my life has utterly changed? Now I can actually do all the things that are supposed to help with the expectation that they WILL help- yoga, massage, stretching, foam roller, self-massage, Feldenkrais, etc.
Regarding my thoughts on myself- oh my god. How could I have been so wrong? So sure that I was just some disgraceful shithead f-up unenthusiastic angry girl, unable to see that that is what depression makes you into? That's what pain, and isolation, make a person into? I mean, I was SO WRONG. Years of beating myself up, considering myself pathetic at how little I could do. Why did I do that? I know now that it was just part of all the disease going on, to treat myself so badly. But, its sad. In the past few years of back pain, I've literally been unable to walk. Why did I so strongly expect of myself anything more? And by the way- it makes a lot of sense that I've had a Candida infection- my digestive system has been off for a long time (I remember that I never got hungry in high school), and I've had trouble sleeping for years, and the body pain and lethargy really I'm sure did impact my social ability in high school. I feel so sorry for myself. It took me, what 15 years, more than 10 specialists (not including the 15 chiropractors).. Its just been such a f***ing mess to try to get myself treated.
Lastly- insomnia hasn't changed- still up for hours without feeling tired. And, no idea how my PCOS factors into all this.
<<<<<<<BUT I"M NOT HOPELESS ANYMORE>>>>>>>
Monday, July 31, 2017
8.5 months
I stopped seeing the naturopath. I'm not on any supplements any more. I'm also not strict about the diet- I eat gluten multiple times a week, although less than before I went gluten-free.
The jig is up. The pain is all psycho-somatic. Not a lack of some nutrient, vitamin, or protein.
Landmark insights and self -insights are helping me see that I tighten up nearly all the time when I'm 'witholding'. Add that to the fact that I never let things go or feel good about myself- there's all my body pain.
Just two nights ago, I did this thing where I acknowledged all my deepest mental hurts. Various parts of my body- back, stomach, legs, let go. I'm in alot less pain, and I think its going to keep getting better (as long as I keep acknowledging my hurts).
Man, I'm sorry I spent so much money and time with Dr. Olsen. I didn't know why I couldn't stop, even when it wasn't helping. I guess thats something that is hard for me- finding fault in others but not saying it. The proper thing to say would have been- none of these supplements are doing any good, and if you agree that its psychosomatic, why am I wasting my money here? Of course, I liked being there and I liked seeing the doctor, and my life is so pathetically isolated outside of doctors.
Anyways.. I'm thinking alot about Landmark (SHARE, SHARE, SHARE) which is driving me crazy. When am I going to cut the mind wandering bullshit, and take credit for what I have done rather than act like "Landmark" did it?
Things are going good - I could be pain free by the end of the year.
I quit with Dr. Greene after 4 weeks of 3x/week. It was helping a little but not much. I look forward to getting some more adjustments once I can stabilize my body being looser.
The jig is up. The pain is all psycho-somatic. Not a lack of some nutrient, vitamin, or protein.
Landmark insights and self -insights are helping me see that I tighten up nearly all the time when I'm 'witholding'. Add that to the fact that I never let things go or feel good about myself- there's all my body pain.
Just two nights ago, I did this thing where I acknowledged all my deepest mental hurts. Various parts of my body- back, stomach, legs, let go. I'm in alot less pain, and I think its going to keep getting better (as long as I keep acknowledging my hurts).
Man, I'm sorry I spent so much money and time with Dr. Olsen. I didn't know why I couldn't stop, even when it wasn't helping. I guess thats something that is hard for me- finding fault in others but not saying it. The proper thing to say would have been- none of these supplements are doing any good, and if you agree that its psychosomatic, why am I wasting my money here? Of course, I liked being there and I liked seeing the doctor, and my life is so pathetically isolated outside of doctors.
Anyways.. I'm thinking alot about Landmark (SHARE, SHARE, SHARE) which is driving me crazy. When am I going to cut the mind wandering bullshit, and take credit for what I have done rather than act like "Landmark" did it?
Things are going good - I could be pain free by the end of the year.
I quit with Dr. Greene after 4 weeks of 3x/week. It was helping a little but not much. I look forward to getting some more adjustments once I can stabilize my body being looser.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
7.5 months (quit with the naturopath)
Quit with Dr. Olsen,
started with Dr. Greene with chiropractic 3x/week.
So far, he gives really good neck adjustments!
My back isn't feeling much better. But my body in general- I'm moving a teensy bit better.
So many supplements with Dr. Olsen, did any of them ever help?
Lots of waking up at 4 AM these past few weeks, and not feeling tired at night. The usual.
started with Dr. Greene with chiropractic 3x/week.
So far, he gives really good neck adjustments!
My back isn't feeling much better. But my body in general- I'm moving a teensy bit better.
So many supplements with Dr. Olsen, did any of them ever help?
Lots of waking up at 4 AM these past few weeks, and not feeling tired at night. The usual.
Friday, June 2, 2017
6.5 months
Nothing really new in my health
Doing poorly on the gluten free diet, fair free egg free etc. Nothings helping much. Starting eating small amounts of gluten and cheese.
Hurting- neck, hamstrings, BACK, jaw/TMJ, never really tired, never really awake either.
Recently decided to stop being vegetarian as of June 1st. WE SHALL SEE/
New Supplements: Intestinal Support, Morinda, and Melia
Doing poorly on the gluten free diet, fair free egg free etc. Nothings helping much. Starting eating small amounts of gluten and cheese.
Hurting- neck, hamstrings, BACK, jaw/TMJ, never really tired, never really awake either.
Recently decided to stop being vegetarian as of June 1st. WE SHALL SEE/
New Supplements: Intestinal Support, Morinda, and Melia
Monday, May 1, 2017
5.5 Months
Supplements:
Lentra- 2x/day
Prolent- 2x/day
Takesumi- 2 scoops/day
Vit D
Iron
Multivitamin
and (new) 1 scoop RepairVite/day
How I'm doing-
I learned something! I learned that the reason my body hurts everywhere, muscles are weak, and I can't walk is that my muscles are all knotted. As in, muscle knots are THE primary thing that is putting my body in disarray. No longer do I think its all the digestive issue. Then, from there- why are my muscles so messed up? That's the anxiety from high school days that caused that. And they never recovered. Never, ever recovered on their own. Apparently a tight muscle doesn't just loosen on its own like I would have thought.
Now I've been massaging myself like crazy since I can do that and it helps. But, its too much for one person to handle, and I do need help, but I can't lay on my stomach or back easily in a massage so it sort of doesn't help like it should.
Besides that, and "that" will be a long process full of massage, physical therapy, stretching, small movements, yoga, feldekrais, eating healthy, etc.
Besides that, there's my stomach not doing very well; sleep isn't very good, still little sense of taste, and thoughts are still bothersome in quantity although not terrible.
I went down to 1x/day Prolent and Lentra to see if I could save money by dropping them- bad idea. Life went back to too much thinking; it was horrible; I understand what my plight was now throughout high school, college, up until this year.
So its been close to 6 months of treatment. I'm fully gluten free, and I eat 'only a little' bit of dairy. I'm not organic, although I'd like to be.
One other thing- my knee issue got fixed after I started doing leg lunges, after I put two and two together. That had fixed my knee back in college after an injury. Yay!
Progress is being made. Thank you Dr. Olsen and team Tara.
Lentra- 2x/day
Prolent- 2x/day
Takesumi- 2 scoops/day
Vit D
Iron
Multivitamin
and (new) 1 scoop RepairVite/day
How I'm doing-
I learned something! I learned that the reason my body hurts everywhere, muscles are weak, and I can't walk is that my muscles are all knotted. As in, muscle knots are THE primary thing that is putting my body in disarray. No longer do I think its all the digestive issue. Then, from there- why are my muscles so messed up? That's the anxiety from high school days that caused that. And they never recovered. Never, ever recovered on their own. Apparently a tight muscle doesn't just loosen on its own like I would have thought.
Now I've been massaging myself like crazy since I can do that and it helps. But, its too much for one person to handle, and I do need help, but I can't lay on my stomach or back easily in a massage so it sort of doesn't help like it should.
Besides that, and "that" will be a long process full of massage, physical therapy, stretching, small movements, yoga, feldekrais, eating healthy, etc.
Besides that, there's my stomach not doing very well; sleep isn't very good, still little sense of taste, and thoughts are still bothersome in quantity although not terrible.
I went down to 1x/day Prolent and Lentra to see if I could save money by dropping them- bad idea. Life went back to too much thinking; it was horrible; I understand what my plight was now throughout high school, college, up until this year.
So its been close to 6 months of treatment. I'm fully gluten free, and I eat 'only a little' bit of dairy. I'm not organic, although I'd like to be.
One other thing- my knee issue got fixed after I started doing leg lunges, after I put two and two together. That had fixed my knee back in college after an injury. Yay!
Progress is being made. Thank you Dr. Olsen and team Tara.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
4.5 months
Supplements:
Takesumi twice a day, 1 scoop
Prolent, 2 in morning
Lentra, 2 at night
Zinc 2x/day
Vitamin D 1x/day
Multivitamin 1x/day
Oregano Oil supplement - 3x/day
1 month ago- began a very low sugar diet, in addition to gluten free, dairy free.
How I'm doing:
For one, I got my period for the second time now. It came two months after the first one. It was a little shorter- 5 days versus 7. So that was random and good.
I'm having sleep issues- trouble falling asleep, dreamy dreams. I'm trying to adjust the dose of Takesumi, less at night, or just once a day, but I haven't come up with something that is leading to the tiredness of earlier.
I feel like my mind is better- definitely much better than before I've been seeing Dr. Olsen. Its been gradual.
I feel depressed, a lot.
I'm having serious, terrible back pain. I can't stay standing, it puts me into severe pain every time.
I'm not regaining any flexibility. My back feels horrible in massage. I did have the feeling however, that I could feel my hip crease the last two days, in a way I've never had before. I predict that will continue to improve.
Lastly, and this is nothing new, my hamstrings are seriously and badly tight, all the time.
Also, I'm having knee problems and haven't been able to sit cross legged for months now.
I had a few good shits in the last few days, that was an improvement.
Takesumi twice a day, 1 scoop
Prolent, 2 in morning
Lentra, 2 at night
Zinc 2x/day
Vitamin D 1x/day
Multivitamin 1x/day
Oregano Oil supplement - 3x/day
1 month ago- began a very low sugar diet, in addition to gluten free, dairy free.
How I'm doing:
For one, I got my period for the second time now. It came two months after the first one. It was a little shorter- 5 days versus 7. So that was random and good.
I'm having sleep issues- trouble falling asleep, dreamy dreams. I'm trying to adjust the dose of Takesumi, less at night, or just once a day, but I haven't come up with something that is leading to the tiredness of earlier.
I feel like my mind is better- definitely much better than before I've been seeing Dr. Olsen. Its been gradual.
I feel depressed, a lot.
I'm having serious, terrible back pain. I can't stay standing, it puts me into severe pain every time.
I'm not regaining any flexibility. My back feels horrible in massage. I did have the feeling however, that I could feel my hip crease the last two days, in a way I've never had before. I predict that will continue to improve.
Lastly, and this is nothing new, my hamstrings are seriously and badly tight, all the time.
Also, I'm having knee problems and haven't been able to sit cross legged for months now.
I had a few good shits in the last few days, that was an improvement.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
3.5 Months
Treatment Supplements:
Prolent (2 in morning)
Lentra (2 at night)
Takesumi (two times/day)
Melia (3/meal, 3 times a day)
HCL (3/meal, 3 times a day)
Vitamin D- 1 at night
multivitamin- 1 in morning
zinc- twice a day
I am doing so better this month. Sort of; not the entire month. The first part of the month, my head was getting clearer, but my mood and thoughts were still pretty shitty. I was confused why I felt so low given my head hurting less.
My body feels basically the same. My back is cracking more than it used to, and it still has a ways to go.
I had some issues adjusting to Takesumi because I upped it to 3/day. Dr. Olsen didn't give me much idea of when I was supposed to do that or leave it at twice a day. Anyways, didn't have side effects at twice a day but was overly tired at three times a day. I thought it was due to Lentra, but I had to figure that out by upping and lowering Lentra.
Anyways, in REALLY BIG NEWS- since taking Takesumi, I've been getting tired at night, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Without fail. Simply getting to a point where my mind gets tired and I decide, 'its time for sleep'. Its been really cool. Isn't that amazing? I've been unable to fall asleep or feel tired for literally over a decade, and then I take this thing and am doing find with sleep within a few weeks. I'm just more chill in general because I know I don't have to deal with being up thinking 15-20 hours a day.
I've still had some TMJ, worse on some days than others, and my neck is really bad and didn't respond to an adjustment, so there are issues there.
My back is killing me. Nothing new.
Didn't get my period, was disappointed but its okay.
I've been not great about eating protein, veggies, or fats (most notably, protein). meh.
Also, I went to a session of Landmark that suggested living life 'upset-free', and my mood improved for a good 5 days, which is pretty huge for me. TBA if I can maintain it in the future.
Prolent (2 in morning)
Lentra (2 at night)
Takesumi (two times/day)
Melia (3/meal, 3 times a day)
HCL (3/meal, 3 times a day)
Vitamin D- 1 at night
multivitamin- 1 in morning
zinc- twice a day
I am doing so better this month. Sort of; not the entire month. The first part of the month, my head was getting clearer, but my mood and thoughts were still pretty shitty. I was confused why I felt so low given my head hurting less.
My body feels basically the same. My back is cracking more than it used to, and it still has a ways to go.
I had some issues adjusting to Takesumi because I upped it to 3/day. Dr. Olsen didn't give me much idea of when I was supposed to do that or leave it at twice a day. Anyways, didn't have side effects at twice a day but was overly tired at three times a day. I thought it was due to Lentra, but I had to figure that out by upping and lowering Lentra.
Anyways, in REALLY BIG NEWS- since taking Takesumi, I've been getting tired at night, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Without fail. Simply getting to a point where my mind gets tired and I decide, 'its time for sleep'. Its been really cool. Isn't that amazing? I've been unable to fall asleep or feel tired for literally over a decade, and then I take this thing and am doing find with sleep within a few weeks. I'm just more chill in general because I know I don't have to deal with being up thinking 15-20 hours a day.
I've still had some TMJ, worse on some days than others, and my neck is really bad and didn't respond to an adjustment, so there are issues there.
My back is killing me. Nothing new.
Didn't get my period, was disappointed but its okay.
I've been not great about eating protein, veggies, or fats (most notably, protein). meh.
Also, I went to a session of Landmark that suggested living life 'upset-free', and my mood improved for a good 5 days, which is pretty huge for me. TBA if I can maintain it in the future.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
2.5 months
Supplements:
Zinc- 2x/day
Melia- 3 at a time, 3x/day, 3 days on and 3 days off
Takesumi- 2x per day
multivitamin- 1 tablet/day
Prolent- 2 in the morning
Lentra- 2 in the evening
Hydrozome- 3x/day with meals, 3 capsules per meal recommended, but I often don't take them.
Vitamin D3-x/day, 5,000 IU's
How I'm doing:
Moods been pretty stable. I haven't been mood-bobbling too much. My mood has been pretty neutral for the most part. I have things I feel okay about but not really happy.
body pain- incremental changes. My neck cracks sometimes, but really its hurting a ton and hasn't gotten better. My back cracks sometimes- that happened initially after taking zinc, and I really got my hopes up, but it hasn't been cracking much since the first week of zinc. Mostly everything hurts constantly and my back in pathetically tight and severe pain from walking.
stomach- still feel like eating food is hard for my body to process and sometimes get sick feeling, its confusing. In fact, I was sick the last two weeks, and I used that as an excuse to eat very little. I never feel hunger.
sleep- my sleep has improved, without a doubt. I've had multiple nights of feeling like I actually had slept easily.
exercise- at my doctors request, I am bike riding. I just go along streets without a lot of incline. I don't enjoy it but I can do it. I'm really, extremely conscious of not trying to overdo it on my back so I'm not going far, fast, or hard or even moderate.
The biggest news is: I got my period!! Just out of the blue, I just got it. Its been a couple years since the last time I got it. Its now the 4th time I've gotten it in my life. To say I'm surprised and impressed by this is a gigantic understatement.
other therapies- not doing massage, chiro adjustments, or anything else because too tight for anything to help.
All in all, just sticking with the eating routines of gluten free/dairy free pretty well, and realizing this is going to take much longer than initially hoped.
Zinc- 2x/day
Melia- 3 at a time, 3x/day, 3 days on and 3 days off
Takesumi- 2x per day
multivitamin- 1 tablet/day
Prolent- 2 in the morning
Lentra- 2 in the evening
Hydrozome- 3x/day with meals, 3 capsules per meal recommended, but I often don't take them.
Vitamin D3-x/day, 5,000 IU's
How I'm doing:
Moods been pretty stable. I haven't been mood-bobbling too much. My mood has been pretty neutral for the most part. I have things I feel okay about but not really happy.
body pain- incremental changes. My neck cracks sometimes, but really its hurting a ton and hasn't gotten better. My back cracks sometimes- that happened initially after taking zinc, and I really got my hopes up, but it hasn't been cracking much since the first week of zinc. Mostly everything hurts constantly and my back in pathetically tight and severe pain from walking.
stomach- still feel like eating food is hard for my body to process and sometimes get sick feeling, its confusing. In fact, I was sick the last two weeks, and I used that as an excuse to eat very little. I never feel hunger.
sleep- my sleep has improved, without a doubt. I've had multiple nights of feeling like I actually had slept easily.
exercise- at my doctors request, I am bike riding. I just go along streets without a lot of incline. I don't enjoy it but I can do it. I'm really, extremely conscious of not trying to overdo it on my back so I'm not going far, fast, or hard or even moderate.
The biggest news is: I got my period!! Just out of the blue, I just got it. Its been a couple years since the last time I got it. Its now the 4th time I've gotten it in my life. To say I'm surprised and impressed by this is a gigantic understatement.
other therapies- not doing massage, chiro adjustments, or anything else because too tight for anything to help.
All in all, just sticking with the eating routines of gluten free/dairy free pretty well, and realizing this is going to take much longer than initially hoped.
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