This is the greatest news of my last 15 years...
Here's what happened.
I got Fluconazole for a yeast infection, which I finally went in for, months (years?) after first having symptoms 'down there'. At this point, I had other signs of fungal infection- oral thrush, and a crazy rash on my hip that looked really bad at first, and then the yeast infection too.
So, I took Fluconazole (anti-fungal) despite my long term issue of not wanting 'medications', and lo and behold, the VERY NEXT MORNING, I woke up in maybe 70% less than my normal pain that I've been experiencing for the last 15 years (since junior/high school, and now I'm 27). My entire body felt looser, my legs weren't tight as drums, neither was my back. My journal said- 'I just woke up in the least pain I've ever been in...' I thought it was too soon for the anti-fungal to have worked, so I just went on with my day. But - the pain reduction stayed the entire week, and now its been a week and a half, and I'm simply no longer in my chronic pain. There was a dramatic decrease in muscle tension all over my body, and my stomach eased up its tightened state. I also became able to eat more foods.
Regarding my last post- I was incorrect, although I didn't know it at the time. The pain isn't psychosomatic. I was tight all the time, 24/7, and just because I got tighter when I had emotional upset, didn't mean that it was psychosomatic. Somehow I ignored the fact that no one else is in this much pain, that it doesn't get better..ever, and all my digestive issues. That interesting time of 'going into my hurts'- it didn't last and I've been in pain consistently since then.
Other changes- I can eat! I'm actually happier about this than I ever would've expected, because I just simply forgot the joy of eating and I was so stuck on wanting the body pain gone. But, eating is pretty great, now that I can handle food (and to reiterate, its been 1 week only!) Before Fluconazole, practically everything was making me sick- fruit, veggies, meat was too 'tiring', cold drinks were too cold, and also- despite lots of snacking, nothing was making me feel full. I just couldn't get my body to receive the fullness of food. I was only eating very specific foods that my body told me to eat to cover up a particular digestive upset. It was pretty odd how particular I needed to be. But also terribly depressing because I was never satisfied, no matter how much or little I ate.
Another surprise- I thought the pain would all go away, the more Fluconazole I took. But it didn't, its just staying fairly low (for me). The muscle tension that remains isn't just loosening on its own. And, my back still hurts too much to exercise. Middle ground- I'm going to do some serious self-massage and work on those tight muscles. This is what I've always wanted for myself- to be able to decrease my muscle tension, but never have been able to, because I'd also wake up with tight muscles no matter what I did during the day. Can you understand how my life has utterly changed? Now I can actually do all the things that are supposed to help with the expectation that they WILL help- yoga, massage, stretching, foam roller, self-massage, Feldenkrais, etc.
Regarding my thoughts on myself- oh my god. How could I have been so wrong? So sure that I was just some disgraceful shithead f-up unenthusiastic angry girl, unable to see that that is what depression makes you into? That's what pain, and isolation, make a person into? I mean, I was SO WRONG. Years of beating myself up, considering myself pathetic at how little I could do. Why did I do that? I know now that it was just part of all the disease going on, to treat myself so badly. But, its sad. In the past few years of back pain, I've literally been unable to walk. Why did I so strongly expect of myself anything more? And by the way- it makes a lot of sense that I've had a Candida infection- my digestive system has been off for a long time (I remember that I never got hungry in high school), and I've had trouble sleeping for years, and the body pain and lethargy really I'm sure did impact my social ability in high school. I feel so sorry for myself. It took me, what 15 years, more than 10 specialists (not including the 15 chiropractors).. Its just been such a f***ing mess to try to get myself treated.
Lastly- insomnia hasn't changed- still up for hours without feeling tired. And, no idea how my PCOS factors into all this.
<<<<<<<BUT I"M NOT HOPELESS ANYMORE>>>>>>>
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