3 blogs to go

I'm down three blogs, so I guess will be a long multi mini-blog.

1) Language really fucks with us.  words versus meanings versus how things actually are

main points -
A. language is how we interact with people; we converse, language is our way of describing our experience.  clearly our experience is only to be made through senses.  Objectively, everything that comes our way is either seen, heard, felt by touch, or tasted or smelled.  Somehow, as I write it, that list seems relatively weak.  But anyway, our senses are how we percieve the world, directly.     

A2 - for example, our memory is tagged in with language; our memory is in thoughts of how we remember events, how we would characterize our feelings.  when we are babies, we haven't yet learned language.  So its harder to remember being a baby and a child because our language skills hadn't formed to be able to define our memories. 

B. But, language comes at a cost when it takes precedence over what we percieve.   when the only thing we sense is the thought stream words.

C. Our language is the stories we tell ourselves of our perceptions .  Why must we characterize our perceptions them through words? Is this just what we do?  What we are taught to do - by being taught to talk as a form of communication?  If a tree falls in the forest and no one else is around to hear it, but the one person there, does that person have to use words to create a story about the tree falling in the forest? Or could that person just feel their heart rate increase, and be done with it?

D.  ACT is alot about language.  Where has language done us in?  For me, language has created a world that is about 3 cm long by 2 cm deep and wide - its inside my head.  My entire world is inside my head, inside the stream of words that my brain comes up with. 

E.  How does anxiety and depression fit into this?  Well, anxiety is strange because there are legitimate physical symptoms that people could be scared of - its scary to feel like you might collapse, or that your heart is racing.  But for me, the anxiety is almost totally psychological in nature - it consists of scanning around, looking at people's eyes and getting caught in thoughts about how I don't fit in with 'them'.

F.  But if anxiety is at a basic level, just physical symptoms, then its really not that bad.  Some body discomfort, which you should be aware won't last forever.  'there is nothing to be anxious about but anxiety itself', and the anxiety isn't all that bad, plus even if it is bad, its part of our experience so be willing to

2) attachment to objects; I miss my journal where I wrote my blogs

3) validity of my experience / being a total hypocriteas I talk to people and chameleon personality, versus therapy having no one to respond to, ish

4) its clear that I can't get what I want from therapy, so where do I get it .... most important question ever.  could do an 'imagined therapy' - a socratic conversation about specifics; 'what do you want?  how much friendship do you want?  how to get there?'

5) what does loneliness feel like ..? literally. in my body.  is it all just a comparison?  why am I more lonely when I get home than other times in the day?

6)  where does endless self-introspection get me?

7) is the point of life just to avoid depressions?